He was promised a 2 pound turd. Instead he was given a Chicken McNugget. Those be grounds for a fuckin refund.
Stripped, Beaten & Burned
Don't feel too bad... a.) she committed armed robbery and b.) she looks like Bette Midler. Emphasis on factor #2. Read the full story HERE.
Gang Member Of The Year
He's about as good at rapping as I am at convincing fat chicks on Myspace that my semen tastes like Ben & Jerry's cake batter ice cream. Fucking oustanding.
The Headless Penis
What was once a sniper rifle is now a snubnose magnum. How'd that happen? Lemme guess... something involving farm animals and strategically placed peanut butter? It happens to the best of us.
Goth Blowjob Fail
Those are some pretty weak dicksucking skills. Looks like somebody's gonna lose their Hot Topic sponsorship!
Preggo girl is in the middle of cumming when her [minute] man declares that the apple sauce is en route for early delivery. She replies with a double "doo eet", which I believe means: "cum inside me so that I can finish my orgasm you twig dick motherfucker". The request didn't seem to catch.
I wish my parents had been as considerate in their choosing of a babysitter. For 7 years they stuck me with Ethiopian dyke that wore basketball attire exclusively. Nearly left me with an inverted penis.
Hung Like Bart Simpson
Dildo Baggins here could've saved himself a lot of embarrassment if he just stayed home and stuck to beating off to reruns of Captain Planet. Now he and his 4 inch celery stick have ended up on the world wide web for all to see and laugh at. Live and learn brooo. More small cock humiliation HERE.
OOPS! Wrong Hole!
I'd be pretty amazed/disappointed if that didn't at least cause a little internal bleeding. Emphasis on disappointed.
Props to the ginger on his pipe laying skills. Honestly haven't heard a woman scream that loud since the time I was caught defecating in front of Blockbuster in protest to late fees accumulated on my rental of The Neverending Story 3 (director's cut). Good times.
He can brag about his 20 pound meat bag all he wants. If it doesn't get hard, then it's about as useful as a black hooker at a blood drive.
He'll Never Do Porn Again
Failure to achieve erection OR premature ejaculation. Those are the top 2 problems most men face when trying to perform on camera. It's usually one or the other... but in this chumps case - 2 birds are killed with 1 very tiny stone.
Anal Creampie From Hell
It's crazy. On the outside, assholes all look the same. But if your rectum was to ever head south & emerge as a pinksock... you'd quickly find that much like the butt plugs in Oprah Winfrey's sextoy collection, they come in all shapes, sizes & colors. 4 years of running a porn site and that's about all I've learned.
Rough Sex Fail
Some professionmal pipe layers right here. Too bad the only thing they made sore was her ear drums. Skreeem bitch skreeem! More here: 1, 2, 3, 4.
Two years of solid constipation. That's what you get for eating dog. WHABAM!
for when Colon Cleanse just isn't enough..
I like how he straight up bends his cock as a means to halt the ejaculation. It's a penis, not a fucking garden hose. Nice try though! Source: BANGBROS.