Fit as a Fiddle

Meet Haley Ryder. Against all jurisdiction, she somehow wiped all her amateur scenes off the Internet before going pro... except this. In other words: What you're about to see is rarer than a Bruce Jenner orgasm.

  176,342  |    IH  |    Hot

Porn Scenes Worthy of an Oscar

Todays menu: a.) girl manipulates dad into oral sex while mom contemplates suicide b.) leper fucks ass, leper's winky gets decapitated, leper continues to fuck ass anyway and c.) vintage buttrape porn, never fuck with a man that's just lost a game of Old Maid. SOURCES: 1, 3, 4, 5

  3,430,161  |    11.7.12  |    roopskadoop  |    LULZ

Painfully Awkward Moments in Porn

Big wtf @ girl #3. She taps out, instigates a fist fight and then concludes, mid-tears of defeat, that all in all it was "fun and amazing". No lady. Going diarrhea in a community pool overun by minorities is fun and amazing. What happened to you was just brutal. DOWNLOAD: 1, 2, 3

  4,285,259  |    10.28.12  |    TG  |    LULZ

Mother of the Year!

Enjoy, for this is undoubtedly the first, last and only time you'll ever see an 18 year old camwhore drunkenly dildo herself directly in front of her disapproving mom. In a word... FAP. Profile HERE.

  5,598,972  |    10.13.12  |    Anonymous  |    LULZ

Shy, Scared & Fucking Beautiful

Hot chicks + social anxiety. It's a phenomenal combination, second only to Mr. Pibb w/ Koala Yummies. Add a degree of sexial inexperience into the mix and you got yourself GF material, provided that they don't first end up in porn like this tard. DOWNLOAD THE FULL VIDEO HERE.

  6,861,613  |    10.4.12  |    Anonymous  |    LULZ

1 Girl, 1 Cigarette

Ever cram an entire packet of strawberry flavored Big League Chew in your mouth and blow an epic bubble? Me neither, only a fucking moron would go through $2.49 worth of premium gum all at once. But hey, that's what this lady's ass looks like. Twitter HERE. Webcam HERE. Porn HERE.

  3,072,608  |    9.21.12  |    rosebuttslut  |    Prolapse

Passion of the Painal

Whore #3 is quite adorable. She may not speak a lick of English, but her facial expressions certainly have a story to tell.. namely "ouch, that hurts", "please hurry up" and "why in the fuck did I quit my job at Hotdog On A Stick for this shit". Live and learn baby. SOURCES: 1. 2, 3, 4, 5.

  6,532,995  |    9.7.12  |    Captain X  |    Painal

Would Not Hit

Much like Robocop 1-3, this goes from mildly erotic to fucking horrible pretty darn fast. Tipping point involves a Cambodian that apparently tried to high-five a weed wacker. Black chick HERE, hemorrhoid girl HERE, Edward Scissor No-Hands HERE. Download the song HERE.

  3,318,791  |    8.29.12  |    tkn1989 & TG  |    Amputee

cRaZy whore is cRaZy

What weighs 325 pounds, has hair worse than Phil Spector, and secretly enjoys getting karate-kicked in the appendix while ripping ass? This chick's 798th fuck buddy, and he's not even the worst of the bunch. Intro track is called We Will Survive. Download all videos HERE.

  3,851,817  |    8.24.12  |    Anonymous  |    LULZ

Seriously what the fuck is that

Skig tag? Tumor? Krang from TMNT? Fuck if I know, but whatever it is... it totally rubbed up against the other dudes thigh at the 1.38 mark, causing a half chewed Bagel Bite to be ejected from my mouth and on to my Where's Waldo themed keyboard. Song available HERE.

  3,475,781  |    8.19.12  |    Kelly  |    LULZ

78 Percent Of His Sexual Partners Quit

This is legendary pipe layer Big Red, most notable for his 7 inch penis and it's not-so-cervix-friendly curvature. The end result tends to involve women screaming louder than Warwick Davis after the release of box office figures on Leprechaun 4: In Space. MORE HERE.

  6,448,118  |    8.15.12  |    Anonymous  |    LULZ

Broken Dreams, Broken Buttholes

Compliments aren't my strong point, but I must say... chick in the yellow dress is fucking stunning. I'd readily eat Honey Nut Cherrios out of Philip Seymour Hoffman's crusty asshole just for a chance to hold her hand. Someone Russian please hook it up. FULL VIDEO HERE.

  4,722,219  |    8.3.12  |    TG  |    LULZ

The Dumbest Shit Ever Said In Porn

Belladonna is down for dog cock, Proxy Paige wants to fuck her own mom, & Annette Schwarz gets wet thinking about vomiting on senior citizens. Goodbye okcupid.com, my search for companionship has been fulfilled. SOURCES: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9.

  3,658,251  |    7.30.12  |    Joe Jackson  |    LULZ

How Is This Even Possible

Heads up kids, this one's gonna blow your fuckin yamaka away. It involves gummy bears, Rocky-inspired butthole punching, and an Alien 1 chest-burster reenactment so brutal you just might soil your Fruit of the Loom's. DOWNLOAD FULL VIDEO HERE.

  6,339,657  |    7.23.12  |    KMB  |    Fisting

Rejected... LIKE A BOSS

Dude gets mega blue-balled after his water-buffalo of a girlfriend bails on him mid-coitus, leaving him and his lukewarm boner on a curb in downtown Newcastle. He deals with rejection the same way I dealt with the intro to season 2 of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch..... FAP.

  3,315,631  |    7.19.12  |    Mathew  |    Busted!

Wait For It...

<3 my fans. PROFILE HERE.

  5,227,908  |    7.4.12  |    DamagedDolly  |    Gallery

The Trolling Of Wannabe Pornstars 3

Whores from all walks of life trek to New Jersey for some quick cash and a blistering reality check. This guy does to self-confidence as Panda Express Shanghai Beef does to my asshole: obliteration. Meet the mastermind behind it all HERE. [Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ] + HERE.

  4,282,487  |    7.2.12  |    Deven  |    LULZ

The Milf From Mars

Bittersweet painal, obscenity-filled ogasms, and a boob job pre-dating the birth of jesus. This ones got it all, and Ms. Big Ole Leathery Funbags earns some serious bonus points at the 2:35 mark.. Not even a fuckin rectal injury can dull her desire for ATM. FULL 40 MINUTE VIDEO HERE.

  3,602,677  |    6.25.12  |    Creepy Clay  |    Mildly Retarded

Girl Drops Deuce, Forgets To Wipe

Her ability to wipe her ass is on par with Tom Sizemore's ability to not beat women. Fortunately at least 1 person in this vid has some considerable talent, and that's the dude that miraculously didn't peel over & die after getting a whiff of her shit-box! Song HERE. Full video HERE.

  3,074,790  |    6.19.12  |    TG  |    LULZ

Bath Salts = INSANE SEX

This is essentially a hybrid of THIS video + THIS video, or in more comprehensive terms: 3 parts female empowerment, 141 parts bat-shit fucking retarded. ENJOY. Full video HERE.

  4,459,146  |    6.13.12  |    Dissonance  |    LULZ

The Return Of 'Gentle Breakdown' Girl

Remember the frigid chick that randomly started sobbing in the middle of a Rocco shoot? It was actually pretty touching, to both my heart & my penis. But apparently that encounter was only chapter 1 in a saga of piss-poor decisions. Song HERE + breakdown HERE + profile HERE.

  3,775,006  |    6.4.12  |    Anonymous  |    LULZ


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